Got a Patti Platypus?
by rebelrsr
Summary: Cat's deep, dark secret is exposed when Faith and Tara help her move out of her apartment.


"I didn't believe you," Cat said, staring at all the boxes in her apartment. "I'm sorry."

She didn't have to look at Faith to see the smirk. "Slayers have skills." Warm lips pressed into the back of Cat's neck. "Gonna have to show you again since you had doubts." Her hands gently kneaded the tight muscles in Cat's shoulders, drawing a groan of appreciation. "Hurtin'?"

If Cat said yes, she'd be relegated to the couch. If she said no… It would only be a teensy, tiny lie. Almost true.

"_If she says no_," Tara's mental voice interrupted, "_put her in the corner, my Slayer_."

Fate damn it. Cat wanted to stamp her foot in frustration. Having Faith in the same room, watching her like a hawk, was bad enough. Now Tara was plucking _thoughts _straight out of her head.

A hand settled on the seat of Cat's jeans. "Got something to say, tiger?"

"No, Faith." Cat seethed silently. She was so tired of, well, being tired. Stupid vampire that sucked her blood. Too bad Cat couldn't superglue his dust particles back together and let Faith stake him again.

"_It won't be much longer, Cat. Shhh!_" Faith's arms were fully around Cat as Tara soothed Cat through the bond. "_Take a walk around the apartment. See if we missed anything. The Juniors are about to start on your bedroom."_

"_Yes, Ma'am_," Cat replied. Then Tara's words registered. Her bedroom. No. Oh, no. She was out of Faith's arms in a flash, hoofing it down the hallway. "Hey!" She managed to cut off the first Junior Slayer before the lanky kid crossed the threshold. "I've got this one."

To her credit, the much-taller, more muscled, uninjured Junior Slayer didn't laugh. And the eye roll was minimal, too. "I'll go talk to Tara," the kid said – and her smile was evil.

Because she (and Cat) knew Tara would never agree to Cat picking up single moving box, let alone giving Cat free rein to pack an entire room. The Junior waited just long enough for Cat to consider her options. All of which were Bad with a healthy dose of Screwed mixed in. "No," Cat mumbled, "I guess it's OK if you…"

Slumping against the wall, Cat waved vaguely at her bedroom.

"No problem." The kid probably learned her smirk from Faith.

Cat began the countdown until her life was over. Leaning against the doorframe, she tracked the Junior, which soon became a group of Juniors. They carefully cleaned out her dresser drawers and put the contents into boxes. She only winced a little when one of the kids found her collection of dildoes and other assorted sex toys.

In short order, the only unpacked items waited in Cat's large, walk-in closet.

"Hey! What are these?" Cat banged her head lightly on the doorframe at the question. Then a Junior marched out of the closet with three clear plastic containers in her arms. "Man, you got a lot of stuffed animals. It's like a Build-a-Bear in your closet."

Even with Doom staring her in the eyes, Cat couldn't hold back. "They're Beanie Babies, not stuffed animals."

The Junior shrugged as she dropped the containers with little care onto the floor next to the other boxes. "Looks like stuffed animals to me. Really little ones."

When the kid disappeared back into the closet, Cat mocked in a soft voice, "Looks like stuffed animals to me." Her voice returned to normal. "I bet you'd sing a different song if I told you that stakes looked like the perfect kindling for a bonfire."

"I heard that!" A voice shouted from the closet.

"So did I." Faith slid next to Cat and leaned on the opposite side of the doorway.

Although Faith hadn't commented on the containers, Cat felt the pressure of the unsaid words in the bond. "Go ahead. Get it off your chest. I know you want to."

"Got a Patti Platypus in there, tiger?" Faith asked. "Maybe the whole McDonald's Happy Meal tribe?"

Cat turned her head, daring to give her Domme the evil eye. "If I had the whole 'McDonald's tribe', do you think I'd be a cop? Those Teenie babies would buy me a house next to Maura's. You were too interested in eating fifteen-times your body weight in hamburgers back then to realize how much those toys would be worth now."

"True." Then Faith grinned, both her dimples on display. "'Cept, you weren't counting your cash, either, tiger. None of those stuffed animals is in the original packaging. You want to live like Maura, you shoulda been keeping those things all boxed up and looking pretty."

Her grin grew when Cat upped the burn level on her glare (to no avail). "I was right when I told T you were just a stuffed tiger pretending to be the real thing."

Yep. Cat's life was over. She was never living down those damned stuffed animals now.


End file.
